Cops: the new Wallmart stockers. Having slaved at the Board of Education for a number of nightmare years, we could have told Police commissioner Raymond Kelly the obvious--that cops making a maximum $59,588 will eventually head for Long Island, where police salaries top out at $90,000.

Dumbest sports story of the week: Much boo-hooing these past days over Willie Randolph not getting an extension on his $800,000 contract. Now he has--a three-year deal at $2 million per, plus, we expect, incentives. Whoopde-fucking-do. Randolph is a Yankee in Mets clothing. His Joe Torre impersonation--dour, sober, keep-calm-at-all-costs demeanor supposedly brings dignity to the game.

Please give us a break.

Memo to sports writers who believe and write this garbage: major-leaguers are idiot savants. They have god-given talent and teeny-weeny brains. They have nothing original to say about anything--and if someone does get original now and then--e.g. Gary Sheffield--he gets sqashed faster than an uppity cockroach.

Earth to everyone: Randolph got $2 million per annum for not making the series.

When Recharger was a doggy cop, he never pulled his gun, except when they charged him for the donuts. This is why he deeply doubts the police on the Manhattan Bridge will stop a terrorist attach. A terrorist in a van packed with diesel oil and fertilizer can, we imagine, drive unmolested onto the bridge and press a button. At the very least, the bomber would, in a matter of minutes, shut the entire city.

Can someone please explain what these guys do?