Variously described as “a frat party on steroids on a boat,” or swarming with “People I Hated in College,” or polluted with “wall-to-wall ex-frat boys,” The Frying Pan is actually a historic lightship, originally built in 1929, formerly at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay, now docked at Pier 66 near Chelsea piers. It has filthy toilets and crappy service (or is it the other way around?), and looks as if it were raised from the ocean floor yesterday…but we still like it. And not just the name.

During hot summer days we know of no cooler place to sit down, order a bucket of Corona beer and scarf mussels with fries. Oh, and there’s the view—a trillion times better than that  insipid tourist Mecca in San Antonio (don’t get us started),  especially nice during toxic sunsets.

The Frying Pan

23rd Street and The Hudson River,

Veronika Pfeiferova

Má Pêche, David Chang’s orang-y breakfast and lunch boite located in the Chambers Hotel is a bi-level space with street-level bar and take-out bakery, and  lower level dining room.  It is very orange. This is Mr. Chang’s first venture above 14th street—he owns four other restaurants, all Momofuku clones—but this space is the sparest. A large X-shaped table fills the room surrounded by walls that are mostly bare—with one notable exception: “Bad Route,” a painting by Miguel Calderon, made famous by Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tennenbaums.

If you are not into French/Vietnamese fusion—oysters, crab, and scallops, pork ribs fried cauliflower, mussels, bún du riz (rice noodles, pork ragout, saw leaf herb),  and short ribs with spaetzle, go anyway.

The painting is that weird.

Má Pêche 15 west 56th street. nyc 10019 | btwn 5th + 6th ave

Spencer Stewart

Because, despite today’s spring-like weather, the world still sucks and we wanted to say something mean about someone, we dropped in at the Housing Works Bookstore and Café’, located on Crosby Street, and our faith in humanity was slightly restored. Main floor and mezzanine look more like an eccentric—though literate millionaire’s library. And, just like Barnes and Noble (which, we’re told, is mean to puppies), in the cafe section tables awaited and we read and we ate—knishes, quiche, sandwiches, soup, pastries, cake, coffee, tea, beer, wine, and more.  Best of all, our money went to an organization that gives medical services, housing, and employment to more than 2,500 homeless HIV-positive New Yorkers.

Housing Works Bookstore and Cafe: 130 Crosby Street.

Until yesterday, the Bellini—a cocktail/nuclear device equal parts Champagne and peach juice—did not appeal to us. We’re more Jack on the rocks types. Then we swaggered into Cipriani at 55 Wall Street, whose owners have gained fame for refusing to serve food critics, and were surprised. We are not saying the fruity cocktail is worth $16 a glass—few cocktails are—just that this drink is pungent and slightly amazing, provided you get it, as we did, freshly-mixed.

Because we are old, we half expected the doormen standing guard to the entrance of the Ace Hotel’s Lobby Bar, to grimly bar us. Located at 20 W. 29^th Street, near the corner of Broadway, the space is casually hip, unpretentious, though spectacular–a big room with comfy chairs and couches, and free Wi-Fi—thus the many people hanging out all day (don’t these people work?), driving the nice waiters bonkers. Nestled into that spectacular lobby, are a coffee shop and a restaurant, The Breslin Bar.

Some history: In the 1870s, an entertainment district blossomed near Madison Square, along with hotels and restaurants. One of these was James H. Breslin’s eponymous hotel, rising in 1904. “French Renaissance in design, it was built of brick and terra cotta. By this time, the area was already off the beaten track, for entertainment and hotels,” says a recent Times pictorial. It eventually became a rent-stabilized SRO, before emerging as the “hipsterific” Ace, spawning a number of ongoing disputes between the new owners and the left-over tenants who have charged, among other things, that they are not allowed to use the lobby.

We don’t see how that’s possible. Anyone can hang out in the lobby, without actually buying anything. That’s what we did—staring off into space, mentally putting the Ace on our cheap date list, our hang-out list, our email-checking list.

It’s cold outside, baby. Kill time at the Ace.

The beautiful thing about this country, no matter how un-chic you are, how empty your wallet, the stores on Madison Avenue still buzz you in. So we are walking past 940 Madison Avenue, a former Chase Manhattan bank, transformed by architect Peter Marino into the flagship for designer Bruce Hoeksema’s VBH uber-luxury line of bags and jewelry. Gorgeous place, but spooky. In fact, aside from the five staffers and security guards, VBH is post-Apocalyptic empty. Customer-wise, we are it. Still, we make our way to the bank’s former and still-thrillingly claustrophobic vault  (see above), and we stop in front of these earrings. We don’t usually notice earrings–but these are special–peacock tails of glitter fanning out from Mexican opals. And, don’t laugh, we ask the very nice salesman the price.
“$300,000.”
“$300,000?”
“$300,000.”

VBH 940 Madison Avenue

Not so at 2 Bros Pizza and 99¢ Cent Fresh Pizza, with three and four locations respectively in Manhattan.

Bite per penny, we choose 2 Bros as the best cheap slice in Manhattan. Plain slice costs a buck (tax included); two slices and soda are $2.75. Just as tasty and nearly as filling as Ray’s – for less than half the price. We’re partial to the branch at 543 Ninth Avenue (West 40^th Street), which offers  dollar items other than pizza: rice, French fries, yams, and fried chicken legs for $1, broccoli or string beans for $1.50, and jerk chicken for $2.

Unlike 2 Bros, 99¢ Fresh Pizza’s price does not include tax; actual price is $1.07. Slices,  while far from the worst (see Chicago Uno), taste undercooked.  Plus they are thinner than 2 Bros, thus less filling.  What we do like about 99¢ is the option of a 16” pie for $7.

Let’s not quibble. All seven spots are a cheap bastard’s dream.

EAST JAPANESE RESTAURANT, 366 3rd Ave, New York 10016

Thanyawan Ausaraurak

– Simon Chu

We love artificial flavoring, but we make exception for the doughnuts at Doughnut Plant. All doughnuts are made with—yechh—natural ingredients, filled daily with fresh fruit jelly. Even glazes are made from fresh fruits and nuts. We are seriously thinking of getting healthy.

WAY #2: PEANUT BUTTER & CO.

Even if you don’t like Peanut Butter–and we thought we didn’t — Peanut Butter & Co. might change you, if for no other reason than the Fluffernutter sandwich (peanut butter and melted marshmallow). Sounds gross, tastes shockingly good. Is there a synonym in the peanut butter universe for mouthwatering? Yest…mouth-manslaughtering

WAY #3:  CRUMBS

If Tiger Woods liked cupcakes—he’d be Crumbs. Everyday, a new cupcake! Fifty different cupcakes so far! Some 4 inches high! Each with its own unique flavor!

WE FOUND THE SECRET TEXT MESSAGES:

Tiger: Hey Cupcake I can’t come out this week. Something came up family wise

Cupcake: That’s okay I hope everything is fine … would have liked to see you

Tiger: We will make it happen

– Joanne Chen