Stop your whining, hipster scum!

CONTRARY TO URBAN MYTH,  THE L TRAIN IS NOT THE WORST, SLOWEST, UGLIEST SUBWAY LINE IN NEW YORK HISTORY. Running from the miraculous bowels of Carnarsie—a neighborhood with more auto repair shops than people—through the dope-addled Williamsburg wasteland, to 8th Avenue and 14th Street in Manhattan, the L, out of 22 subway lines, ranks third in cleanliness, punctuality and in-car announcement, according to subway watchdogs, The Straphangers Campaign.

Better yet, 91% of L trains arrive “with above average regularity,” better than the system-wide 87% average. The L does break down more often, and it is harder for young talentless artists with phony dreadlocks and pretentious tattoos to find a seat (when they’re hogging seats from people who work for a living — see above); but who cares? It’s not like they work.

– Omobolanle Kazeem