Like New York State Senator Carl Kruger (D) Brooklyn 27th District, we want to ban iPods. But for opposite reasons. We think people who sing “Golddigger” along with their iPods should die. Kruger, by contrast, wants to save pedestrians so that they can sing “Golddigger” on the subway, invariably while we are trying to read Judith Regan sex tips on Page Six. He even introduced a bill in the state legislature that would levy a $100 fine on iPodites who listen while crossing streets.
“While people are tuning into their iPods and cell phones,” says the startlingly eloquent Kruger, “they’re tuning out the world around them… If you want to listen to your iPod, sit down and listen to it. You want to walk in the park, enjoy it. You want to jog around a jogging path, all the more power to you, but you should not be crossing streets and endangering yourself and the lives of others.”
Eat your heart out Barack Obama.
-- Nekesha Felix