Flash!

Guns! Guns! Guns! In the decade since 1995, the NYPD has seized 70,000 illegal handguns. During that time, handguns killed 5,400 New Yorkers. No wonder Mayor Bloomberg has filed federal lawsuits again four gun dealers in Virginia that, according to undercover buyers, made illegal sales. Incredibly, the dealers think this is laugh-out-loud funny, offering what they call a “Bloomberg Gun Giveaway”–a two-for-one price gun raffle.

Cops: the new Wallmart stockers. Having slaved at the Board of Education for a number of nightmare years, we could have told Police commissioner Raymond Kelly the obvious–that cops making a maximum $59,588 will eventually head for Long Island, where police salaries top out at $90,000.

Dumbest sports story of the week: Much boo-hooing these past days over Willie Randolph not getting an extension on his $800,000 contract. Now he has–a three-year deal at $2 million per, plus, we expect, incentives. Whoopde-fucking-do. Randolph is a Yankee in Mets clothing. His Joe Torre impersonation–dour, sober, keep-calm-at-all-costs demeanor supposedly brings dignity to the game.

Please give us a break.

Memo to sports writers who believe and write this garbage: major-leaguers are idiot savants. They have god-given talent and teeny-weeny brains. They have nothing original to say about anything–and if someone does get original now and then–e.g. Gary Sheffield–he gets sqashed faster than an uppity cockroach.

Earth to everyone: Randolph got $2 million per annum for not making the series.