We like so many things about the Jason and Joumana Kidd split, we hardly know where to start.
First, we love their names. In fact, on Monday, we are filing papers to have our name changed from Rechargerthedog to JasonandJoumana Kidd.
Second, we love that Joumana, according to the Post , had their kid steal Jason’s cell phone from his locker, then, apparently after reading his text messages, taunting him from the stands (what we’d scream, “Choke! Choke! You fucking loser!”)
Third, that in his divorce papers, Jason alledges she lay down in front of his car, preventing him from going to practice.
Fourth, that she poured paint on his gold clubs.
But what we like most is his $99 million, six-year contract with the Nets. In divorce litigation, we’d be thrilled to win a ham sandwich. With half of $99 million, we’d hire a bodyguard just to protect the golf clubs. We’d hire someone just to mix our martinis. We’d buy a penthouse doghouse with sunken livingroom ringed with plump pillows, a Sub-Zero fridge filled with Coke, a circular bed with silk sheets. We’d buy one of those deep fryers we keep seeing in Macy’s. Finally, we’d buy friends. people to laugh at our jokes, and listen with fanatical devotion to our kvetches about the Met’s pitching staff.
Please Raoul Felder (Joumana’s lawyer), drag this out for a long, long time.