Archives for January 2007
Hillary Death Watch
According to a Newsweek Poll, Hillary Clinton leads all heavyweight presidential challengers — John McCain, Barack Obama, and Rudy Giuliani. Not that it means squat. Presidential-race history is littered with the forgotten corpses of front-runners. In our recent lifetime, the cadavers of Edmund Muskie (who cried himself to ruin in New Hampshire), Michael Dukakis (who was so far ahead of Bush Sr. after the Democratic Convention that he could’ve stayed in Massachusettes), Mario Cuomo (who dropped out for shrouded-in-mystery reasons), [...]
Posted in The City on January 29th, 2007 | 
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F train not all bad
Sometimes, for reasons even our magnificent brains can’t understand, musicians enter a car and play magic. After these guys stopped, passengers clapped.
Posted in Arts & Events, The City on January 28th, 2007 | No Comments »
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Better than Vita
CALL US NUTS, BUT ON THE COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR, WE GASSED UP THE RECHARGERMOBILE AND DROVE OUT TO GREENPOINT, BROOKLYN, recently chosen by Frommer’s travel guide as the 2nd most desolate place on earth. Aim? To investigate the Acme Smoked Fish company. Partial to lox and smoked whitefish since we were pups, this was a must-do. Acme retail Fridays — the public can buy smoked fish only on Fridays from 9 – 1 pm — is a no-frills [...]
Posted in Food & Fashion, The City on January 26th, 2007 | 1 Comment »
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Flash!
Guns! Guns! Guns! In the decade since 1995, the NYPD has seized 70,000 illegal handguns. During that time, handguns killed 5,400 New Yorkers. No wonder Mayor Bloomberg has filed federal lawsuits again four gun dealers in Virginia that, according to undercover buyers, made illegal sales. Incredibly, the dealers think this is laugh-out-loud funny, offering what they call a “Bloomberg Gun Giveaway”–a two-for-one price gun raffle.
Cops: the new Wallmart stockers. Having slaved at the Board of Education for a number of [...]
Posted in The City on January 25th, 2007 | No Comments »
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“Better than Viagra”
This is John Belardo, sales rep at the not-at-all-cheap Joe’s Fabric Warehouse (coincidentally, across the street from Just Ask a Rabbi and Blue). During our visit to pick out material for the new chair in our doghouse, John told us about Mona Vie.
“This is better than Viagra,” he assured us. He also told us, in shockingly graphic, though thrilling, detail what would happen if we drank Mona Vie.
Mona Vie is actually an Amway-like pyramidal business. Distributers are single people and [...]
Posted in The City on January 24th, 2007 | No Comments »
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Just ask a rabbi!
One block from Blue, we saw this, a blue billboard asking us to share our picayune problems with a rabbi. Tortured by nearly every aspect of our life, regretting virtually everything we’ve done (except skipping the final game of the 1969 series) we couldn’t resist posting the following letter:
Dear Rabbi,
The Argentinean Doggo I live with no longer lets me mount her. Trust me, it’s been years. Meanwhile, I have developed a crush on the neighbor’s dog. Not that anything is [...]
Posted in The City on January 24th, 2007 | No Comments »
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Blue as in bile.
We know as much about architecture as we do about hedge funds, which is to say, slightly less than we know about Aramaic, but certain buildings give us a feeling that maybe we’re not wanted in this city anymore. Take, for example, Blue, the jet-settily-named behemoth condominium going up on the corner of Norfolk and Delancy, about a block from where our grandfather cut glass for less than a dollar a day.
Blue–as in Big Blue or Jet Blue or the [...]
Posted in The City on January 24th, 2007 | No Comments »
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Exclusive: Viagra killed Karl Marx
Even Karl Marx, who said something to the effect that capitalism treats workers (i.e. people) like commodities, to be bought and sold as the market dictates, might have winced at drug-kingpin Pfizer’s decision to close its Brooklyn plant, costing 600 real humans their jobs. The nation’s biggest drug company has been losing money of late is worried that when its patent on Viagra and other drugs run out, it will lose $14 billion in sales to generic manufacturers. That 600 [...]
Posted in The City on January 23rd, 2007 | No Comments »
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Hillary Death Watch
The Daily News poll of 501 registered New York City voters showing Hillary Clinton trouncing Barack Obama among every ethnic group — even blacks — is about as prescient as a poll asking Bronx residents if they’ll root for the Yanks or Cubs in the World Series. Despite the surge in publicity, most voters don’t know Obama from Joe Biden. Most voters — we know this from an experiment we’ve often conducted — can’t name the two senators from their [...]
Posted in The City on January 23rd, 2007 | No Comments »
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Bold Face Names
Returned to Dewey’s Flatiron tonight to watch two NFL dickheads, Payton Manning and Tom Brady act all serious and shit about being tall, blond Fascists, but the crush of A-List celebrities turned the evening into a drag. First, Beyonce Knowles, fresh from somehow turning Diana Ross in the boringest caricature since DiCaprio did Howard Hughes, kept spearing our buffalo wings with two-inch laquered nails. When we protested, Britney Spears, standing to our left, stole another. By the time Hillary Rodham [...]
Posted in The City on January 22nd, 2007 | No Comments »
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