Reel Life

Watching cult favorite director Wong Kar Wai film “My Blueberry Nights,” — his first American movie — on the streets of Soho last week, got us thinking again about how different Movie New York is from real life New York. We recall, for example, couple years back, the groan that erupted from the audience when Jack Lemmon, in The Apartment, casually mentions his Central Park West rent (something like $85 per month). This also got us thinking about other pretending-to-be-New York movie locales:

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – perhaps it is the art deco design, the needle, the, uh, erectness that spurs romance. Though, tragically, those are not qualities we associate with either Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan who fatefully meet here in Sleepless in Seattle (1993). In fact, Ryan is so non-sexual, it’s scary-easy to imagine her with a milk mustache. No, we prefer the testosterone-fueled King Kong, climbing to the movie’s climax, dragging screechy Fay Wray to the building’s (and, metaphorically, Kong’s) point.

New York Times columnist Emily Vasquez writes: “Midnight at the Empire State Building. Gone are the long lines, the strollers and the tour bus crowds. Instead, at 1,050 feet, with rain clouds colored pink, romance abounds.” Recharger, who accidentally tried to get into the Empire State Building on Valentines Day a few years back only to be met with lines stretching 8 blocks wonders, “Why are people so devoid of original romance–the kind we associate with real suffering–that they must visit the Empire State Building in a lame attempt to recreate romance from a very bad movie?”

ROOSEVELT ISLAND TRAM – For good reason, the tram in movies attracts evildoers—the Green Goblin in Spider-Man (2002), international terrorists in Nighthawks (1981). What better way to meet both Toby Maguire and Sylvester Stallone—not exactly cinematic soulmates—than to hijack the tram.

Any terrorist who actually destroyed the tram would probably get a medal. In September, 2005, after a power glitch, more than 80 people were stuck in the tram for 90 minutes. In April 2006, a mechanical bug stalled the tram for seven hours, trapping 69 people. Recharger wants to know where they peed.

SUBWAYS – To Hollywood, the subways are hells on wheels. In The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974), four guys hi-jack a subway train. In The French Connection (1971) NYC cops in a car pursue a heroin dealer riding the subway above. In Hellboy (2004) the demon hero fights monsters in the subway and nearly destroys Palmer Street station.

In real life, the subways are boringly safe. Security has increased since 9/11 and many stations are getting beauty makeovers. The worst we have now are the pole-huggers, the baby hip-hoppers doing somersaults, the yuppies telling uninteresting stories about the Yankees. If a Palmer Street Station exists, you can be sure it’s got a Starbucks packed with people talking about–this is just a wild guess–condo prices.

APARTMENTS – Holly Golightly dresses like a fashion model, sings “Moon River” to her cat, happily shop-lifts, and otherwise makes being broke in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) look pretty chic. She lives in a studio walk-up, laughing at her Japanese neighbor (Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi, the most racist caricature in film history), but that doesn’t stop her from throwing big parties—and her cat–against the wall.

Reality-wise, not bad. Except for the wild parties, the fashionable clothes, the Japanese neighbor, the cheap rent, and singing Moon River, this is EXACTLY how we live.

– Leorenz Capili